Becoming a parent is a major life transition, and it can bring many changes for both partners. For some families, this period is also affected by perinatal depression or anxiety.
Many dads ask, “How can I support my partner when she is struggling?” Supporting a partner’s mental health does not mean fixing everything or having all the answers. Your presence, understanding and practical support can make a meaningful difference to her wellbeing and your relationship.
It is also important to remember that supporting someone through depression or anxiety can be challenging. Looking after your own wellbeing helps you remain a source of support for your partner and your baby.
Understand what your partner is experiencing
Perinatal depression and anxiety are common health conditions that can occur during pregnancy or after the birth of a baby. They are not a sign that someone is failing as a parent, and they are not something that can simply be overcome through willpower.
Understanding what your partner may be experiencing can help you respond with compassion and support.
Signs that your partner may be struggling can include:
- Persistent sadness, tearfulness or feeling emotionally numb
- Worrying thoughts that feel difficult to control
- Changes in sleep, appetite or energy
- Irritability or withdrawing from others
- Feeling overwhelmed by daily tasks or caring for the baby
If your partner is experiencing ongoing symptoms that are affecting daily life, encouraging her to seek professional support is an important step.
Create a safe space for communication
One of the most valuable things you can do is listen. When someone is experiencing anxiety or depression, they often need to feel heard and understood before they are ready to discuss solutions.
Helpful approaches include:
- Letting her share her feelings without interrupting
- Acknowledging how difficult things feel for her
- Avoiding comments that minimise her experience
- Asking what kind of support would help right now
You might say:
- “That sounds really difficult. I am here with you.”
- “What can I do to support you today?”
- “Would you like me to help you find some support?”
Offer practical support
Depression and anxiety can make everyday tasks feel much harder. Practical support can reduce pressure and help your partner have more time and energy to recover.
This might include:
- Preparing meals or organising food
- Taking care of household tasks
- Looking after the baby so she can rest
- Helping with appointments or seeking information together
- Taking on tasks without waiting to be asked
Small actions can communicate that you recognise what she is going through and that you are working together as a team.
Encourage professional support
Your support is valuable, but it does not replace professional care when someone is experiencing significant depression or anxiety.
Encourage your partner to speak with a GP, psychologist or other health professional if she is struggling. You can offer to help make an appointment, attend with her if she would like support, or help find information about available services.
MumSpace provides evidence-based information, resources and online treatment programs designed to support women experiencing perinatal depression and anxiety.
Support her wellbeing
When someone is struggling, activities that support wellbeing are often the first things to disappear. You can help by creating opportunities for your partner to rest, reconnect and care for herself.
This might include supporting time for:
- Rest and sleep where possible
- Gentle physical activity
- Connecting with friends and family
- Taking short breaks during the day
Look after yourself too
Supporting a partner experiencing depression or anxiety can be emotionally demanding. Many dads focus so much on supporting their partner that they overlook their own wellbeing.
Remember that dads can experience depression and anxiety too. Staying connected, talking with trusted people and seeking support when needed can help you remain healthy and present for your family.
You can learn more about looking after yourself as a new dad and explore DadBooster, a free online program designed specifically for fathers experiencing depression, anxiety or feeling overwhelmed after the birth of their child.
Reconnect as a couple
Perinatal depression and anxiety can place strain on relationships. Finding small ways to maintain connection can support both partners during this period.
This might include:
- Taking time to talk without distractions
- Showing appreciation for each other’s efforts
- Finding small moments of connection during the day
- Remembering that you are on the same team
You can also read our article: Looking After Your Partner and Your Relationship After Having a Baby.
Support is available
If your partner is experiencing perinatal depression or anxiety, you do not have to navigate this alone. With the right support, many parents recover and go on to enjoy a positive experience of parenthood.
Explore MumSpace for support for mums, and DadBooster for support designed specifically for dads.
